The Biiiig Bus
- Michael Jay Tucker's explosive-cargo
- 2 hours ago
- 5 min read
Okay, last time I had us (finally) getting on the bus that was supposed to take us to Dallas, where we were supposed to catch another bus that would take us to Wichita. If you’re wondering what the sound you hear in the distance might be...well, you know that old saying, Man Plans, God Laughs? Well, right now the Great God Of Interstate Buses is laughing himself sick. I mean really sick. As in turning bright green. And gasping. And all four of his wheels (plus the spare) are falling off. And he better not expect pity from me. I mean, really.
Where was I? Oh, yes. We had just gotten on the bus. Now, I had seen pictures of the buses on the Flixbux webpage. They were green, these buses. And shining. And spiffy. Particularly spiffy. And they had lots of legroom. And there were Wifi connections. And in the back, there was a toilet within easy reach. They were like airplanes, but waaay better.
About the photos: Well, honestly, I don’t have any pictures from our bus trip to Dallas, and I certainly don’t have any pictures of the Dallas Bus Station. So, instead, I’m just going to offer you some photos I’ve taken recently...plus one little addition.
First, here’s a snap of a butterfly (I believe it is a Red Admiral) that I got in Wimberley, Texas, last year. Second, a close up of a mushroom I got in Pan Am park in Austin. If you look closely at the two miniature figures under the mushroom cap, you’ll see Martha on the right (in purple) and Emily on the left (in red). And, third, Martha at breakfast just about a year ago.
And, finally, here’s a silly little OpenArt video showing the kind of bus we would have needed to really get to Dallas in time.
Okay, but that was on the website. The bus I was in...was another matter.
Now, understand, it wasn’t dirty. Not exactly. It wasn’t in disrepair. Not precisely. But it was clear that this was no bright and shiny Flixbus from Germany straight out of the box. Oh, no. Oh, very much NO. This was a Greyhound bus that had been in service for long, long years. (Hell! I may have taken this same bus between Boston and Amherst, over forty years ago.) So...there... was...wear and tear is what I’m trying to say.
I’m guessing that Flixbus will eventually modernize its whole fleet. But, right now, that’s not the case. Though, again, I have to be careful here. The bus wasn’t uncomfortable. There was legitimately more legroom. You could lean the chairs back.
But it just wasn’t quite what I’d had in mind. For one thing, there really wasn’t any way that you could work on the bus. There wasn’t a tray table or anything that could fold down and put your computer on. I did get the Wifi to work--for a while-- and there *was* an outlet in the seat ahead of me that was supposed to let me charge my phone or my laptop. But, when I plugged in my phone, the plug fell right out again. The outlet had been worn out, and would no longer hold a connector.
So much for the office on wheels.
But, anyway...soon we were in motion. The miles rolled by. It was kind of weird because we were going North on I-35, which meant we went through Georgetown. We had gone all the way to Austin and stayed overnight, so we could drive directly past our home.
Meanwhile, Martha and Judy were in the first row of seats, some ways ahead of me. I could hear them talking now and then. Later, Martha told me that one of things they noted was that the Flixbus literature had promised them “a panoramic view.” What they got was a window blocked with an enormous black sun screen. All they could see of the “panoramic view” of the world was a tiny sliver of the road. Not exactly scenic. But, if you’re really into asphalt and white lines...I suppose...
Time passed. The driver was definitely no slouch. She put the pedal to the metal. For a brief moment, I thought maybe...maybe!...if the other bus was late, too...we’d make our connection. This is known, the words of the song, as being “a cockeyed optimist.” Or, being a total dimwit. Six of one. Okay, maybe six of one and 37 of the other. I mean, maybe dimwit’s got the lead here.
Finally, two hours late, we pulled into the Dallas station. I crossed my fingers. I addressed the universe: “Please. Please. PLEASE. Let the other bus be delayed, too. Let us make our connection. Let us get to Wichita before dark. Please...pretty please?...with a cherry on top?”
Apparently, though, I didn’t have the right address for the universe. Cause our bus was loooong gone.
Sigh.
Anyway, we de-bused. (Is that a word?). Again, kudos to the driver and several other Greyhound employees who were very helpful in getting Judy down the stairs and onto the platform. From there I needed to figure out what to do next.
I whipped out my phone and hit the “click this link if you have missed your bus” line in the text message Flixbus had sent me. Needless to say, it didn’t work. Apparently the Dallas bus station didn’t have Wifi working that day. Or maybe my phone was possessed by connectivity trolls. Or maybe events were just living down to expectations. Whatever, I couldn’t get through.
Okay, I told myself. No problem. We just needed to go into the station and find the customer service desk. They’ll re-book us on the next available bus. Yessir. No problem at all. Everything’s gonna be juuuust fine. You betcha.
Say...did I mention that for a guy who’s supposed to be halfway bright, I can be dumb as a box of rocks?
Oh. I did? Cool.
Just wanted to make sure.
***
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