The Right Man For The Rat Job
- Michael Jay Tucker's explosive-cargo
- 3 days ago
- 4 min read
So I left off last time talking about how our Casita project went into limbo because we discovered there were ...uh...rodents living up in our attic. And we’re not talking any little cute and cuddly Mickeys in short pants and white gloves. We’re talking ‘bout big nasty honkers with bad breath, switchblades, and brass knuckles. Okay, I’m making that up. But, still, big ole rats.
And I’d tried to get rid of them myself...which didn’t work. Not even a little. Oh, a quick aside, I told you about my putting out the traps. I didn’t tell you about filling the attic with red chili and Cayenne powder. No. Really. It is supposed to work. Rodents, and, indeed, most mammals don’t like capsaicin. That’s why people mix it with birdseed. Birds don’t seem to notice it. Squirrels, however, most certainly do.
So, I figured, why not use it on rats? At this point, feel free to envision me...a weird little guy...who has just a tiny touch of Acrophobia...up in the rafters of his house...in the dark...with a flashlight in one hand... manically sprinkling crushed red pepper into every nook and cranny.
Didn’t work, of course. I get the one population of rats in North America that *likes* red pepper. They’re up there in the insulation saying, “Hey, waiter, you got any Tabasco sauce to go with this Cayenne? It’s a little bland.”
In a word, phooey.
Anyway, I knew I’d have to go to a pro. I did some research and finally came up with American Rodent Control (https://americanrodentcontrol.com/). A few days later, two nice young gentlemen showed up in a truck and went to work.
They, too, put out traps and such. But, as importantly, they located all the places in which the rats were coming into the house -- pipes, attic vents, and so on. These they carefully sealed off, usually with wire mesh. Nothing was getting into the house after that.
What didn’t occur to me at the time, of course, was that the opposite was also true. Nothing was getting in ...but nothing was getting out either. More about which in a moment.
About The Photos: Again, I don’t have many photos of rats to share (thank goodness). So, instead, here are a few shots from around my strange little world. First, here’s a picture of Martha taking pictures of flowers here in the area. Texas does Spring Flowers *well.* Second, speaking of flowers, here’s a poppy in a local park. Georgetown has a tradition of cultivating poppies. There’s even a town-wide Poppy Festival each April. And, third, a photo of the sky here last October. Rather impressive, I think.
And finally, a real life illustration of a rat in my attic after the vents got wired shut. (Okay, this is actually just AI, but that’s how it felt.)
Anyway...after several hours of banging and clanging, the young gentlemen were done. They left, taking with them a number of rat corpses which their labors had produced. They basically just threw the corpses away. I had intended that we inter them, respectfully, and with all due dignity, in a newly constructed rodent cemetery in our backyard. But, then, I decided that No...couldn’t be done. I couldn’t know to which, if any, denominations they might belong. I would hate to be so disrespectful as to say the wrong words at the wrong time. I mean, was this rat a member of First Grace Reform Rodent or the Congregation of the Everlasting Cheese? Or might it even have been a faithful member of the Secular Squeakers of America? Just no way to tell. So, in the end, I simply let the young gentlemen take the bodies away and throw ‘em in the trash. But, of course, in a reverent sort of way.
So, that should have been the end of the rat situation. All the rats were now out of the attic. We thought.
We were wrong.
There were two rats left up there. They’d somehow evaded detection and remained in the tunnels in the insulation. We discovered this after seven o’clock that night when I started to hear...the Squeaking.
Remember when I said that there was no way for the rats to get into the attic? But that also meant they couldn’t get out? Well, I could hear them. Those two rats. They’d realized they were trapped and were starting to panic. They were scratching and squeaking and racing back and forth.
And I was...listening.
Okay, I didn’t want them up there. But I didn’t want them to suffer, either. I didn’t want them starving or dying of thirst, or maybe eating each other to survive. And, yes, I looked it up. When desperate, rats will turn to cannibalism, just like people will.
We went to bed and I lay awake, listening to them squealing and dashing from one end of the ceiling to the other.
What the hell...I asked myself...was I going to do?
I didn’t know it, but pretty soon, my problem would solve itself.
In the weirdest way possible.
More to come.
Copyright©2026 Michael Jay Tucker
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We tried the pepper on our moles, did not work. Best to catch them and relocate them, far away! Good luck on the rats!