Oven Mitts...and mutts.
- Michael Jay Tucker's explosive-cargo
- 1 minute ago
- 4 min read
Okay, so last time, I had us with the rats in the attic, and me trying to go to sleep while listening to them expire...and not too graciously.
I woke up the next morning with some hazy ideas for a plan of action. I would, I figured, call the gentlemen at the rodent control company. They might have some suggestions. Or, better yet, they might be willing to come out and help.
Also, I figured, I go up into the attic and put out some more traps. I hoped they’d get sufficiently hungry to go the bait, and receive the relatively quick death that comes of a broken neck.
And, one idea, maybe I could figure out a way to luring them out of the attic. Our attic door is in ceiling of the garage. Maybe I could park Martha’s car in the driveway and then fold down the ladder. Then, maybe, the rats would scamper down at some point, head off into the lawn, and I’d slam the door shut before they could return. It would be Farewell, Rats. Been nice to know you. But don’t come back again.
So I had a plan. Or at least a concept for a plan. Or a feasibility study for a concept for a plan. Whatever.
I stumbled into the kitchen to make coffee. I poured a cup for myself and then walked over to the ‘fridge to get a splash of milk for the coffee. Then...then...
Okay, I need to explain that in our kitchen, the stove is right next to the fridge. So, I was standing right in front of the range. I also need to explain that we have a pretty typical, middle-class, all-American stove. There’s an oven below. A stove top (with burners) above. And, over the whole, there’s a hood, an exhaust fan, and a chimney for those rare occasions when I try to cook and I incinerate something and the smoke has to go somewhere.
So...envision me standing there...half asleep...in my pjs and robe...and then, and then...THUMP!
There is a loud thumping noise in the range hood above me. That was followed by a burst of furious scratching and squeaking...
I am standing there, confused...and then...THUMP!
A second thump. Followed by more furious scratching and squeaking.
Slowly...ever so slooooowly... I figured it out. There were two rats in the attic. They couldn’t get out. But they could see sunlight shining down from the chimney vent over the stove. In a desperate attempt to escape, they launched themselves into the chimney and clamored up the vent. But, they then found that the vent was now covered with a heavy metal mesh. They hung as long as they could, but then...dropped...down...into the ductwork leading to the range hood. Where they were stuck. And angry. And loud.
The one good thing was that Martha wasn’t awake yet. If she’d been the one standing there, when the rats came down...into her stove...where she cooks...and prepares food...well...we’d have been on plane back to New England by nightfall.
About the photos: Again, I’m short on rodent snaps (thank goodness) but here are some odds and ends from my stash of pictures. First, here’s Martha yesterday (i.e., Feb 15, a.k.a. Valentine’s Day) when we went out of a holiday lunch at a local (and very good) Italian place--Milano Trattoria (milanotrattoria.com).
Second, one of my infamous and marginally successful experiments with shadows. Here we are standing near Lake Georgetown.
Third, and finally, here’s an honest-to-God, completely accurate, 100% true video of Martha if she’s been the one to wake up first and discover the rats in the stove hood. (Okay, I’m lying. This is AI. But, sorta like would have really happened.)
As it was, I finished my cup of coffee, then poured her one, then took it to her, then woke her up and said, “We’re going out for breakfast.”
I called up the Rodent Control company and explained our situation. They were appalled and apologized and later that day, the same two pleasant young gentlemen came out and the three of us worked to get the range hood open enough for them to extract the rats.
Finally, it was all done. The rats went off to Valhalla Rodentia. I shook hands with the young gentleman and they headed out. And then, I got an extra large bottle of bleach and disinfected the hell out of the oven, the stove, and the hood, and three days later Martha would touch it again.
Thus ended our adventures with rats. After that, I figured we could finally move on to getting the Casita done. The way was clear! Nothing would stop us now. You betcha. And I planned to call more contractors...
Except...except...this was just about January of 2019. And...and ...
The morning after the rats were gone...I saw the most curious article on the web. All about a novel disease, a Coronavirus, which had recently appeared in Wuhan, China...
We didn’t know it, of course, but things were about to get very, very complicated. And a bit tragic.
More to come.
Copyright©2026 Michael Jay Tucker
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