Okay, last time, you’ll remember, we had been approached by a Funny Little Man with a Deal that was Too Good To Be True (and it wasn’t true) at the Mermaid Street Faire in San Marcos, Texas.
In theory, all we had to do was tour a new hotel that had recently been built by a Big and Famous hotel company and then, for that, our reward would be two free nights in any other hotel that the company owned. Oh, there was a $75 processing fee, but that was peanuts.
I didn’t like the idea one little bit. But, alas, Martha...normally the most sensible of women...had been charmed by the idea. It was a Bargain, you see. And a Bargain is...well, A Bargain. It’s the Code Of The Scots.
Seriously, Martha is usually great with money. Certainly better than I am. As I’ve said before, she’s the one who keeps things afloat around here. Most of the time, she reminds me of the character in the Tolkien story, “Farmer Giles of Ham.” Of Mrs. Giles (she is later a Queen after her husband gets an assist from a friendly dragon), it is said that if it wasn’t true that there was no getting around her in a matter of money, it was, at least, a very long walk.
But...this was different. This was “two nights” in a luxury hotel for $75.
So...so...after a bit more touring of the stands and tents of the Faire, we headed back to the stall where the Little Man was to be found. We were soon pounced upon by the staff.
About the photos: First, an actual snap of me in the offices of The Big And Famous Hotel Company on learning that we couldn’t get back down the elevator without “permission.” Second, and much more pleasant, Martha last October when we visited the Lady Bird Wildflower Center as part of her birthday celebration.
I hadn’t liked the situation before. Now, I was genuinely alarmed. First, the Little Man we’d dealt with before was suddenly elbowed out of the way by his boss, The Other Man, who had “The Closer” written all over him in big neon lights.
He told us exactly the same thing that the Little Man had told us. The Big And Famous Hotel Company had a new property in Austin. To promote it, they were offering us a special deal. If we toured the building...that’s all that was required, plus the $75 processing fee...we would get a voucher for two nights in any hotel the company.
Okay...I gritted my teeth...suppressed my paranoia as best I could...and agreed. We checked our calendars and it turned out that they had “an opening for a tour” at 11:30 a.m. on such and such a day. And, to sweeten the pot, if we agreed, we’d receive a coupon good for two meals at a famous restaurant near the hotel.
Fine...
We headed off and drove back to Georgetown, where we had our little adventure with hail.
Time passed. The day of the big tour got closer and closer. And I got more and more...And More...nervous. It just didn’t feel right to me. It began to feel absolutely Wrong when, the week before the tour, we received a note from the Big & Famous Hotel Company saying that when we “made our purchase” they could offer us a lovely loan up front...at only 25% interest.
Wait. What? Purchase? What purchase? And 25% interest? Come again?
The term “timeshare” floated on little scaly wings into my mind.
I was pretty sure I knew what we were getting into; however, I still wasn’t 100% certain. And besides, I thought, we didn’t *have* to buy anything. And if we just went through the meeting, and exercised our sales resistance skills, we’d have a free gourmet meal and two nights in a luxury hotel. So...
And besides, Martha was still very excited about the whole thing. Nessie was still dancing about on The Bonnie Bonnie Banks of Loch Lomond, and guys in kilts were bashing bag pipes and tossing haggis in all directions.
So...okay.
The day of the “tour” arrived. We drove down and found the building. It was a huge skyscraper thing in downtown Austin. You had to go into a special garage and it took us forever to find it.
We parked and followed signs up a stairway, through a door, and into a lobby. There, two uniformed young men looked up from a TV set ...they were watching Lord of the Rings...and asked what we wanted. We explained our mission. “Oh, you’re a little early.” Were we? We didn’t think so...
They consulted one another and then phoned someone “up stairs.” Finally, they said, “Oh, you can go up. They...” pointing upwards... “said you can chill in the lobby.”
Okay.
Only, we learned, we couldn’t simply get into the elevator and “go up.” The elevator wouldn’t work for just anyone. You could only go up...OR come back down...if one of the guards accompanied you.
We got into the elevator with one of the two young men and rose into the bowels of the building.
And that was when I knew, without a single doubt, that if we weren’t exactly prisoners...
...then we were the Very Next Best Thing.
More to come.
Copyright©2024 Michael Jay Tucker
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